My Mind

Look outside and I get confused,
Look inside my mind and everything seems fused.
Everything from the day I started this journey looked like a well rehearsed play,
I disguised into different roles and changed, so did the world around me,
Not missing a single chance to make me feel out of place.
It rolled me over, I rode on.
It deceived me, I rode on.
It challenged me, I rode on.
I rode on not because I am strong but because I had no other choice, I want to
see where this journey ends. In light, or in abyss.
I am strong now but life finds my weaknesses, has a habit of straying in my mind and finding what I am thinking.
I don’t think at all at times, the world seems blank like a plate wiped clean after it is out of the dish washer.
It screeches if you rub it. Same is my mind.
Feel cold at times, helpless when it strays into deep waters.
Feel the fish nibbling into my body as it is drained of strength.
This is how I feel when I think of my past.
To others it seems like lost prizes and void efforts, but to me it is lost pride and face.
I dream, I fight, I struggle and should win. Isn’t that what all say is true? The good will prevail.
Problem is I don’t know which side of the fence I stand in and what is it that
distinguishes one from the other.
I stay for now a silent spectator one among the many, thoughtless, forgiving and inept.
I wish this was a dream and I want to wake up, strong and fresh as in every beginning.
My fate lays in others hands, a few who are selfish the rest who don’t care.
And my future hangs in a balance.
I try to please people I don’t like, I try to like people who don’t please.
How many against my wish should I appease, how long can I go without crossing
the part that has been given to me.
This I don’t know, I and I wish I never come to know.

In this life you have to keep giving, nobody cares but you have to.
Nobody finds out when you are gone, nobody feels you when you are there.
You have to keep giving and take what you want or you lose
Those who take a lot are termed successful, not the ones that give the most